Tomorrow, Tomorrow, The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow……
Well, tomorrow the Spinal Cord Stimulator comes out. I’m experiencing a thousand different emotions on the eve of this surgery, even more I think than I was when it went in!
When it went in I was completely and utterly miserable. I couldn’t go to school, I couldn’t walk, and I had complete tunnel vision: feel better. I didn’t care what the doctors did or how they did it. They could of killed me and brought me back and if it helped, then hey! at least it worked.
And quite frankly, at that point, even the worst of complications couldn’t of been any worse than what I was experiencing then.
Now I have things under control. And though I want this surgery, man do I want it, I have also realize the risks. Because there ARE risks. Going in there were no risks because nothing was worse than what I was experiencing. Going out…a lot could go wrong.
And that has been on my mind a LOT.
I think of paralysis, spinal fluid leaks, death.
At this point I bet you are wondering why the hell I am getting this thing taken out. Isn’t it better how it is?
Well, I’m in pain. All the time: but with it out I can be in pain and:
- ride roller coasters
- go on boats
- speed boats, not lame boats, but boats that have risks
- go jet skiing
- go on a four wheeler
- sit on wooden chairs without pain
- lay on a wooden floor without pain
- not freak out every time I fall that I screwed up my spine
And a much longer list.
So as MUCH as I’m nervous I am also excited.
Anyways, I hope everything goes great tomorrow. If it doesn’t I just want you all to know that this blog has been awesome and I’m so glad I’ve gotten to share so much of my life with so many of you. But it’ll go great so I’ll get to do more! I’ll make sure to update you all when I’m able.