Doing too much is something I do a lot of. I am very INCAPABLE of telling myself to stop or to ask for help. I hate admitting weakness or admitting that I am not good enough. By not good enough I define that in terms of everyone else’s normal.
But what is so good about everyone else’s normal, anyways?
It’s hard to carry my godbaby around all the time because I am considerably weak. And I also have a hard time walking. But this creates magic in two very important ways.
First, I test myself and push myself farther than I ever thought I could. I build my strength slowly and powerfully. It sets me back on my days off, but on my “on” days I am a warrior woman. I would do anything for that boy and he gives me a strength I never knew I have.
Second, we get to experience things in ways he may not with other people. I am a lot more apt to get on the ground and crawl with him. It takes the pressure off of arms and legs (yes, the crawling is uncomfortable in itself, but easier). I get to see life from his perspective and he becomes fascinated with showing me things on his level… That is a magical experience.
He also experiences a lot of important things with his godmommy. He’s fascinated by my shiny pink cane. I barely use it when I’m with him since I need to have a hand free (strollers are a cripples best friend!) but he thinks it is an awesome toy. This is something most kids will never have experience with. For him knowing someone young and disabled will be normal.
I love what he is giving me. And at the same time I love what I am able to give him…
It is exhausting and it is painful. But these are precious moments that give me a reason to fight through this disease… and now he’s helping me GET stronger…
He’s tiring, but man he’s an awesome little dude.
I will never apologize for my overdoing it personality. Sometimes that puts me on my ass… I truly believe in the “use it or lose it” philosophy. By doing too much that doesn’t make my pain any less; it just means I have drive and believe in doing the most with this life and refuse to be jailed by disease.
I have to remember I have only so many spoons, but no one should EVER feel ashamed for being a “go-getter”. And too many people have told me they have been made to feel that way by other people who have their disease. That is just a person who doesn’t have your drive trying to bring you down to their level. Never feel bad for your ability to live your life while living with RSD, Fibromyalgia, Cancer, insert disease here.
We all must remember that.
We already have it hard enough! I have a hard enough of a time getting out of bed, I don’t need people to make me feel bad for being successful. But you also don’t need to feel bad for not being able to just yet. Just know it IS possible with the right mindset.